As I walked with my dog in the woods this morning I reflected on how struggle is a part of life. There she was, a little dog with bald spots from her continual struggle with allergies. Yet she totters along happily in the sunshine. Then I realized for nearly a year I've spent more energy focusing on the problem areas of her skin and have been overlooking the healthiest 90% of her integumentary (skin) system! No wonder I'm frustrated with the ordeal. I'm more out of balance with the situation than the dog's dermal layers!
As Gilda Radner used to say, "It's always something." Struggle is here! And... there is beauty within it. This is nothing original and certainly greater minds have presented the concept but I'm really starting to experience the duality of it all: a little yin within the yang, a little yang within the yin, light within the darkness, shadow within the light. Drawing teaches me this. So does yoga. So does house painting! Last month I was touching up the exterior paint from a ladder. As a leaned left with the brush I grounded deeply into my right foot on the ladder rung as though in Warrior II pose. Equinimity. Balance. A little hot in the cold, a little cold in the hot. The rajasic, the tamasic: both within the satvic.
As part of my journey I spent a long time thinking being spiritual meant experiencing joy all of the time (even if I felt like crap), giving to & helping others (whether asked or not) and that things were always supposed to "improve" (whatever that means.) Goodness gracious, I'm glad the next phase is here. Living with those self-imposed expectations is exhausting. And I am grateful for having experienced all of it. Finally I see how I'm pretty much responsible for my own growth and my struggles are mine, your growth & struggles are yours. We can each feel our dissatisfaction and do our own work. By doing so an appreciation for the process enlightens us and we can then relate to the pain of another with compassion. That's about as strong as I am, at least right now. Is there much more than that? Maybe. We'll see.
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